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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121557">i’m loved well.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmesthearts/pseuds/warmesthearts'>warmesthearts</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Choi Beomgyu-Centric, Fluff, M/M, inspired by soobin’s i can love well because i’m loved well, the other members are mentioned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:54:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,740</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121557</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmesthearts/pseuds/warmesthearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Beomgyu doesn’t know at what point things started to change and he failed to see and realise that even until now as he’s all grown up, there are still a lot of people who love and accept him for who he is.</p><p>But these days, Beomgyu’s been re-realising things, seeing once again that all the love he has received as a kid had never once gone away and in fact only grew bigger as he got to meet a lot more precious people in his life. He’s learning to see again what he’s looked past all these years—he’s loved and he’s special.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i’m loved well.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>you may fail to see it now but you’re loved and have always been. i love you even if i don’t know who you are.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Beomgyu believes that he’s living a good life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a kid, he had grown up being loved well by a lot of people in his life, especially his family. He receives love from his father in the form of taking him out every weekend to spend time together, he receives love from his mother in the form of cooking for him his favourite foods especially when he’s feeling down, he receives love from his brother in the form of lighthearted banters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has always been surrounded with love as he’s growing up, so what happened now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since when did things start to change, his world taking a complete turn and now he can’t tell anymore if he’s still loved? If there are still people who care for him and see his existence as something so precious?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t mean to invalidate because Beomgyu knows there are actually thousands of people across the world who loves him a lot, but right now as he’s lying on his bed inside a dimly lit room that he shares with Soobin, Beomgyu can’t seem to find where all that love is. He wonders then if he’s a bad person for failing to see what’s already in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s loved.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Beomgyu knows he’s loved, so why can’t he seem to see that love anywhere? Why does it feel as if he’s the only one in the universe? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Beomgyu is yet again unable to come up with an answer to all his questions, he decides it’s time to put his mind to rest. He closes his eyes and hopes for sleep to arrive soon.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, sleep never comes to Beomgyu because life is fucked up like that, and because his mind kept coming up with thousand different thoughts, all of them Beomgyu wishes he never thought of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been an hour of tossing and turning around his bed and when Beomgyu’s sure that sleep won’t come to him anymore, he decides it’s better to make use of his time for other things. It can also help distract him from his seemingly endless thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that in mind, Beomgyu slowly comes down from his bed, silently making his way into the living room so as to not disturb Soobin from his sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(He doesn’t know that while he’s been tossing and turning on his bed with his thoughts keeping him awake for the rest of the night, Soobin had also been unable to sleep, worrying for the younger.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a seat on the couch, for a while Beomgyu basks in the silence of the dorm. Moments like these are hard to come by during the daytime when everyone is awake—Soobin and Yeonjun bickering over the littlest things, Hueningkai erupting into fits of laughters as he watches something funny from his phone, the sound of Taehyun’s punches on the sandbag filling in the dorm—so when Beomgyu is able to get a moment of silence for even just a little while, he makes sure to enjoy and treasure them. Right now as he’s seated on the couch and staring off into the space, the only sound that can be heard inside the dorm is the sound of the air conditioner, and if he listens hard enough, he can also hear some silent snores coming from Yeonjun’s room. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>At least the other members are able to get a peaceful rest,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Beomgyu thinks to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu’s solo moment is soon broken when the door of his room opens, revealing his roommate. Soobin doesn’t say anything as he takes a seat next to Beomgyu on the couch, only offering the latter a small smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Softly, Beomgyu asks, “Can’t sleep too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin hums in reply. He then suddenly hugs Beomgyu, burying his head on the crook of the younger’s neck and at that moment, the only thing Beomgyu can think about is how nice it feels, how comforting it is to be hugged by Soobin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Soobin hyung gives the best hugs.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu hugs him back, slowly rubbing his hands on Soobin’s back and for a moment they stay like that, enjoying the silence and appreciating each other’s presence. He can feel that Soobin wants to say something, but is holding himself back, waiting for Beomgyu to bring it up first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Beomgyu being Beomgyu, he’s unable to bring up the reason why he’s been acting the way he is for the past few days, and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And of course, Soobin being Soobin, he immediately understands this, taking the younger’s silence as an answer. With this he hugs Beomgyu tighter, taking the younger’s hand in his and squeezing them tight and Beomgyu receives the message well. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m here and I will always be here, willing to wait until you’re ready to open up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu squeezes back Soobin’s hand as if to say: </span>
  <em>
    <span>I know, thank you for understanding and for being patient with me. I appreciate you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know it yet but in the following days to come, Beomgyu will realise that this is the exact moment where he starts to see again that he’s loved, and has always been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu has once heard somewhere that it’s better to share your burdens with someone you trust rather than to keep it all in. In that way, you’ll know you’re not the only one, and it’ll help lessen the pain if even just a little bit because at least now, there’s someone who understands you and is willing to share your burdens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Beomgyu had never been good at sharing what’s on his mind, wanting to carry everything himself. After all, these are the problems that he’s facing, why should he let others face his own problems for him? Beomgyu supposes he’s selfish this way, not wanting to share his worries with others. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has to admit, though, these days have been hard on him, taking a toll on both his mental and physical health. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu’s trying his best to not let it show, not wanting his members to worry about him, but when you’ve been living with the same people for years and spending every waking moment of your life with them, there’s only so much you can hide. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Soobin always sees right through him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu’s phone lights up while he’s busy working on a song, indicating a notification. When he opens his phone to check, he finds that it’s a message from Soobin.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know what time you’ll come home but I left food for you in the fridge. Make sure to heat it up first before you eat it, okay? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s at that moment that it hits him what time it is already. Beomgyu supposes he should go home now. With that, he quickly saves his work and cleans up his studio, eager to arrive home. There’s a warm feeling blooming in his chest at the thought of Soobin leaving food for him even when he didn’t have to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin’s acts of service doesn't just stop there. For the following days he makes sure to leave food for Beomgyu whenever they don’t come home together, and he always invites the younger to eat with him whenever they can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today, Soobin opts for the latter once he’s done with his vocal lessons, already making his way to Beomgyu’s studio to look for the younger. He knocks softly on the door before entering, announcing his presence. Soobin is welcomed by the sight of Beomgyu who’s busy staring at his computer, working on a song. He pays no attention to his visitor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin barely mutters out a soft ‘hey’ as he closes the door, but no matter how silent his voice is, Beomgyu hears him loud and clear, finally catching the younger’s attention. Beomgyu stares at him in anticipation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You busy?” Soobin asks right away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course he is. They’ve all been busy. Beomgyu barely even comes out of his studio, busy working on songs and when he’s not, he’s busy with vocal and dance lessons. He comes home a lot later these days, too, that Soobin is unable to wait for him because the moment he arrives at the dorm he collapses into his bed, drained and exhausted after a long day. It feels as if they barely have time to see each other these days even when they live in the same place, and Soobin misses Beomgyu. Of course he does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But instead of a yes or a hum as a reply, Beomgyu gives Soobin a different answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unknowingly, Soobin’s lips form into a curve. He had been silently hoping for Beomgyu to say that, and he really did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m hungry, wanna eat together?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a comfortable silence that they always fall into whenever they’re eating, busy stuffing themselves with food instead of talking. Conversations are saved for later when they’re done and taking a rest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right now as Soobin and Beomgyu are eating together, it’s the same kind of silence that wraps itself around them, the two focused on their food. It’s nice, Beomgyu thinks. The comfortable silence fills in the spaces where words can’t be found. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin doesn’t say anything as he silently puts a generous amount of meat on Beomgyu’s plate, doesn’t say anything as he opens the can of soda for Beomgyu without the younger even asking him to. As if that wasn’t enough, Soobin volunteers to clean up after they’re done eating, telling Beomgyu that he should get more rest before he goes back to work again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And if Beomgyu notices these silent ways of Soobin taking care of him, he doesn’t say anything, only hopes that the smile painted on his lips will be enough to convey the message he can’t yet find the courage to say out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you for always looking out for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu stares at Soobin dumbfoundedly as the older suddenly places a cup of iced americano on his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on prompt, Soobin sees right through him and answers the question that never escapes past Beomgyu’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was on my way to the company and passed by a coffee shop so... I bought you this.” Soobin tries his best to speak in a nonchalant way, but Beomgyu doesn’t miss the way the older is avoiding his eyes all while saying this, and how his ears have slowly turned red—a sign that shows whenever he’s shy, and oh, why is Soobin suddenly shy because of this? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, a knowing smile creeps up Beomgyu’s face, ready to tease Soobin, but all the words die down in his throat as quickly as they came, becoming replaced by a warm feeling blooming inside him that he can’t quite seem to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu doesn’t tell Soobin that he had just finished downing a cup of iced americano before he arrived, taking a sip on the newly bought drink for him. The drink is cold but what fills Beomgyu inside is warmth as he thinks about the fact that Soobin had gone out of his way to buy his favourite drink for him even when he didn’t ask.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s rare for the members to have a day off from their work, what with their busy and packed schedules every single day. But when they’re able to, Beomgyu likes coming home to Daegu to visit his family, happy to be able to spend time with them again if even for just a little while and eat homemade food cooked by his mother. It’s always better to eat food that you know is completely made with much care and love, and Beomgyu finds himself eating more than the usual whenever he gets to have homemade food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today, however, Beomgyu finds himself preferring to stay inside the dorm instead, not wanting to do much except lay on his bed all day. The other members have gone home to their respective families, leaving the dorm all to Beomgyu himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or at least, that’s what he thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu is surprised when the door of his room suddenly opens, revealing Soobin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung, I thought you went home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin shakes his head in reply, offering Beomgyu a gentle smile as he enters the room with what seems to be a plastic bag filled with food. Soobin carefully places it on the bedside and crashes himself next to Beomgyu who’s lying down on the older’s bed, too lazy to climb up to the top bunk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My family are out of town so I just decided to stay in the dorms instead.” Soobin’s voice is muffled as he hugs Beomgyu, snuggling himself closer to the latter. It’s warm, Soobin’s warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A comfortable silence settles upon the room, Beomgyu enjoying the warmth of Soobin’s hug. The sounds of their breathing fills in the silence of the room and it’s nice. Beomgyu enjoys peaceful moments like these with Soobin when they’re not bickering over the littlest things and they’re just there, enjoying each other’s presence, already content to be in the same space together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu will never say it out loud but if he thinks about it, this is really what his friendship with Soobin is like beneath all the lighthearted banters and constant teasing. They may act like they despise each other a lot and go around calling one another stupid, but at the end of the day it’s Beomgyu who would willingly listen to Soobin’s favourite song with him when everyone else is already sick of hearing it over and over again, and it’s Soobin who would find Beomgyu whenever he’s having a hard time and be there for him, patiently waiting until Beomgyu’s ready to open up and if he isn’t, Soobin is still there anyway, knowing that even just silently being there for the younger is already enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for Beomgyu, it is enough. Soobin’s presence alone is already enough comfort and support for Beomgyu. Maybe one day he’ll find the words to say and the courage to open up, but right now this is enough for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung, would you like to watch a movie today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin looks up upon hearing this, a soft smile adorning his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was actually gonna ask the same thing... I even went to the convenience store to buy snacks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that, the two start moving, Soobin taking his laptop to set it up and Beomgyu preparing the snacks that the older had brought.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a few days after that when Beomgyu comes to find Soobin who’s inside the younger’s studio, busily composing lyrics. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu doesn’t know if it shows in his face or Soobin’s just good at guessing anything that comes to him or maybe it’s a mixture of both, but the moment he arrives Soobin is quick to put a pause on what he’s working, already looking at Beomgyu in anticipation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung, can we talk?” Beomgyu’s voice is small and weak as he asks this, looking down on the ground instead of making eye contact with Soobin when he knows there’s nothing to be afraid about with the older.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And really, Beomgyu knows he didn’t have to ask anything. He could just storm into the room and spill his heart out to Soobin without any warnings and the older would still make time to listen to him and try his best to help Beomgyu in any way he can. But it doesn’t feel right for Beomgyu to suddenly just dump all his worries on Soobin without the older’s permission, and so he feels the need to ask even when he already knows the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Beomgyu. Of course we can talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They take a seat on the couch. Soobin wordlessly takes Beomgyu’s hand in his, squeezing it for support. Beomgyu appreciates the gesture, squeezes back Soobin’s hand as a way of saying thank you. The older receives the message well, flashing him a smile and somehow, Beomgyu feels as if things will be alright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he ends up losing the courage, Beomgyu finally spills his heart out, starting with a question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung... How does one learn to love himself? To love better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin takes his time to think about the question, organising his thoughts first before he speaks. Beomgyu patiently waits for the older to come up with an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna answer the second question first. I think one can learn how to love better when they know how to love themselves. You can be surrounded by a lot of love around you but if you yourself don’t have any love for yourself, you’ll struggle to see all that love from other people. If there’s anyone in the world who should love you the best, isn’t it yourself? And how can one learn to love oneself? Hmm, I think you can start by being a little bit kinder to yourself everyday, by allowing yourself to just exist as you are and accept your weaknesses because they’re a part of who you are as much as your strengths. And definitely forgive yourself for the things that aren’t even your fault. Accept yourself as you are. Only when we love ourselves are we able to love other people better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu stays silent as he processes Soobin’s words. He thinks about his family, his members, his friends, his fans—all the people who love him, and whose love he’s struggling to see and feel because Beomgyu himself doesn’t have any love for his own self. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now that Beomgyu thinks about it, he realises it’s true. How can Beomgyu ever see all the love that’s already in front of him when he himself can’t even accept him for who he is? How can he ever give back all the love he’s received when he doesn’t even know how to properly hold them in his clumsy hands?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sigh escapes past Beomgyu’s lips as he untangles his hands from Soobin’s, running his fingers through his hair. “You know, I envy you a lot, Soobin hyung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin stares at him dumbfoundedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you envy me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you have a lot of love for yourself, and you’re good at giving love to others too. I want to be like that too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin’s expression turns gentle at Beomgyu’s words. He takes the younger’s hand in his again, intertwining them together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beomgyu, listen to me. You don’t have to envy me, okay? I do have a lot of love for myself and that’s why I’m also able to love well, but so can you. Once you learn how to love and accept yourself, you can be better at giving love to others too. And... and if you want, I can help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s yet another warm feeling that blooms in Beomgyu’s heart that he can’t quite put to words, but it feels nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, hyung? You’ll help me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, of course at the end of the day it’s you who should be pouring in all the effort, but on days where it’s hard to find love anywhere and you feel terrible, I can be here to remind you that you’re loved and you’re amazing as you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Soobin notices the tears welling up in Beomgyu’s eyes, he pays it no mind, pulling the younger in for a hug to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night, Beomgyu learns a little bit better to love himself by allowing himself to completely open up to Soobin, sharing his worries with the older instead of keeping everything inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And all while Beomgyu spills his heart out, Soobin is patient and quietly listens to him, being so supportive of Beomgyu and thanking the younger for trusting Soobin enough to share these things with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, Beomgyu gave him a blank stare and said: “Of course, hyung. I trust you more than I trust anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu believes that he’s living a good life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a kid, he had grown up being loved well by a lot of people in his life, especially his family. He receives love from his father in the form of taking him out every weekend to spend time together, he receives love from his mother in the form of cooking for him his favourite foods especially when he’s feeling down, he receives love from his brother in the form of lighthearted banters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has always been surrounded with love as he’s growing up, so what happened now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu doesn’t know at what point things started to change and he failed to see and realise that even until now as he’s all grown up, there are still a lot of people who love and accept him for who he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But these days, Beomgyu’s been re-realising things, seeing once again that all the love he has received as a kid had never once gone away and in fact only grew bigger as he got to meet a lot more precious people in his life. He’s learning to see again what he’s looked past all these years—he’s loved and he’s special. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that he’s all grown up, he realises how well loved he is by everyone, especially by his members. He receives love from Soobin in the form of looking out for him and taking care of him all the time, he receives love from Yeonjun in the form of gifts that the older had brought with the thought of Beomgyu liking the present, he receives love from Taehyun in the form of spending their time together and the younger cooking ramen for him for midnight snacks, he receives love from Hueningkai in the form of belly rubs and making sure that he’s eating well all the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s loved by a lot of people, so he should learn how to love himself too, right? He should learn how to love himself so he can love others better and properly hold in his clumsy hands all the love he’s ever received and keeps on receiving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Beomgyu knows it’s not an easy journey. It’s not a one night process and maybe he will stumble and fall and feel like giving up, but there will never be a progress if he doesn’t try his best. He will never achieve his goal if he doesn’t try in the first place. Besides, if worse comes to worst, Beomgyu knows he not only has Soobin but the other members as well to remind him that he’s loved and special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu is loved well, and he hopes he can also love well.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you’ve managed to reach the ending, thank you so much for taking your time to read this! it’s a special fic for me that was inspired as i was rereading soobin’s interview and thought to myself that it must be nice to have a lot of love for yourself. i know that i, too, am loved, but it’s something i’ve been struggling to see and realise for the past few years until recently, and i’ve come to a realisation that if i’m loved by a lot of people, then i should learn how to love myself too so i can properly give back all the love i’ve received and continues to receive everyday. i hope that you, too, can learn to love yourself someday and accept yourself as you are - even your weaknesses because they’re a part of you too and they’re something you shouldn’t be ashamed of.</p><p>anyways, you can find me on my writing twt: <a href="https://twitter.com/gyustills?s=21">gyustills</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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